Should parents pay for their children’s college education? Must parents cover the cost of a child’s college? These are difficult questions with no single right answer, but they are increasingly important as the cost of higher education continues to rise.
These questions hit close to home for this blog. When I started writing, my focus was paying off my $40,000 student loan balance (you can read about how I paid off my student loans in just seven months).
My debt was higher than the average, and it’s surprising how often parents take out loans to finance their children’s schooling. I’ve read many stories of parents with $200,000 in student loan debt for their kids, parents who are struggling financially, and parents drowning in debt because they felt they had to fund their child’s education.
Even more surprising, many parents believe this is normal or expected. That doesn’t make it an easy decision.
Many emails I receive ask whether a parent should risk—or possibly sacrifice—their retirement to help a child pay for college.
Here are some of the stories parents have shared with me:
- One mother said she and her husband constantly fought about how much they borrowed for their child’s education. They’re behind on retirement savings and struggle with daily bills because they felt they had to pay for college.
- One family is paying all expenses for a child in medical school—tuition, room and board, car, rent—leaving the parents off track for retirement and burdened with debt.
- One couple has over $100,000 in loans taken out in their name so their child could attend college. They’re not on track for retirement and carry additional debt beyond student loans.
- Another family has a child in law school who threatened resentment if the parents stopped covering expenses. That child became even angrier after the parents printed out blog posts offering financial advice—this situation left the parents financially exposed and off track for retirement.
It’s painful to hear about parents who are already behind on retirement and then go further into debt for their children’s education.
I should note I’m not a parent, but I paid my way through college entirely on my own—covering housing, food, tuition, transportation, and more. I don’t resent my parents for not funding my college; in fact, I would have been more upset if they had gone into debt to support me.
If you can truly afford to pay for your child’s education, that’s your choice. But before you borrow or cosign loans when you’re not on track for retirement, pause and think carefully about the long-term consequences.
Think before you cosign or use parent loans.
The default rate on student loans often averages around 10% to 15%, and a large share of private student loans are cosigned—frequently by parents. If you cosign a loan and your child defaults, you are legally responsible for the debt.
A strong parent-child relationship can change once money is involved. I’ve heard of situations where a student, after a falling out with their parents, stopped paying loans knowing the cosigning parent would be pursued for repayment. It’s an upsetting reality.
College is expensive, and many take loans to afford it. Before you cosign or borrow in your name to fund a child’s education, make sure you fully understand the financial and emotional risks involved.
Your children may perform better when they pay some of their own way.
If you’re undecided about funding college, consider research suggesting students who pay for their education—at least partially—often take it more seriously. When students have skin in the game, they tend to be more motivated and produce better academic results.
Other meaningful ways to help your child through college
If you can’t or choose not to fully finance your child’s college, there are many valuable forms of support you can offer that won’t jeopardize your financial future:
- Teach personal finance. Help your child learn budgeting, managing expenses, and basic financial planning. These skills will serve them for life and reduce future financial stress.
- Provide emotional support and planning guidance. Even without direct financial help, parents can assist by listening, advising, and working with their child to build a realistic college and financial plan.
- Help them find ways to earn money. Encourage part-time work, internships, freelancing, or other side income opportunities so the student can contribute to tuition and living costs.
- Discuss affordable alternatives. Not every student must attend a costly private university. Community colleges, state schools, and transfer pathways can dramatically lower overall costs while still providing strong outcomes.
- Assist with scholarships and grants. Help your child search for and apply to scholarships—many require only a small time investment and offer real savings.
- Offer practical, limited support. You don’t need to pay for every expense. Consider setting boundaries: allow them to stay at home to save on housing, help them find cheaper textbooks, or contribute a defined amount instead of covering everything.
So, should parents pay for college? Must parents pay?
My view is that parents should only fund a child’s college education if doing so does not derail their retirement plans. There are many ways to finance college—savings, loans, scholarships, grants—but retirement can’t be financed with debt in the same way. You can’t borrow against your future retirement in a responsible way.
Don’t sacrifice your financial security for your child’s education. Review your retirement readiness first. If you are not on track, be honest with yourself and your child about what you can reasonably afford. There are many ways to help that don’t mean taking on crippling debt.
What do you think? Should parents pay for college? What are your thoughts on parent loans and cosigning?