Hello everyone! I have another Reader Question to share. I know I just posted one last week, but this reader needs help now and it couldn’t wait. I’ll let her tell her story…
Please Help Me,
My boyfriend lives with me, and I pay all the rent and utilities. He thinks I’m unreasonable for wanting him to contribute half of those expenses.
How do I explain to him that couples commonly split living expenses?
I am exhausted from always having a zero or negative balance in my bank account while he still has money. I’m seriously considering ending the relationship if he refuses again. We can’t afford furniture, clothing we need, groceries, or to move forward in this relationship if he won’t meet me halfway. He earns more than I do, and there’s no reason he should live here without contributing when I could get a roommate who would pay half. I love him, but I can’t keep living like this.
He says it’s unheard of for couples to split bills and that I should stop listening to my friends and family. I reminded him that my previous boyfriend and I split rent and utilities for five years. He insists everything is balanced in this relationship, but it doesn’t feel fair to me. He has addictions he spends money on, and maybe he’s afraid he won’t be able to afford those habits if he contributes.
We can’t bring his young son to live with us or move forward healthily if he won’t help. I’ve suggested we each maintain separate savings accounts to build our own emergency funds. Only if he helps financially can we be successful together. I’m older than he is and he’s still learning, but his inexperience is testing my patience. I’ve arranged counseling, bought books, and offered to talk with rental agencies if he still doesn’t believe me.
This is my last attempt to save our relationship. He gets angry whenever I bring this up.
I resigned from a great job, saved $10,000 on my own, and moved to another state to start a new life with him. We’ve been together three years. I’ve realized he’s immature. I’ve sold personal items when he wanted money, and I’ve exhausted my savings because of his influence. He accuses me of being obsessed with money, but I feel like I’ve given everything away—I’m almost without possessions. I hoped he’d see reason, but I keep waiting for him to understand. How can I make one last attempt to talk to him and explain things without triggering anger?
I’m baffled that he refuses to contribute at all and insists that’s not how reality works. I’m in disbelief. I have a potential job offer that could improve my finances, and I need to pursue it. I want to move forward with him, but I can’t do it alone.
What would you do if you were this person?
Please share your suggestions in the comments below. All help is appreciated. Be kind—this is someone reaching out for support.