Today’s topic is a sensitive one: should parents start—or stop—saving for their children’s college expenses? After I paid off my $38,000 in student loans last year, I’ve received many emails from parents asking for guidance about helping their kids with college costs.
Most of these messages center around whether parents should risk, or even sacrifice, their retirement to fund a child’s education.
A common thread runs through many of the emails: the parents are behind on retirement savings, carry other debt, or simply cannot afford to help their child financially.
Here are a few real stories I’ve heard:
- Parents who hold over $100,000 in student loans they took out in their own names so their child could attend school. These parents aren’t on track for retirement and have additional debts beyond those student loans.
- Parents covering all expenses for a child in medical school—tuition, food, car, rent—while they themselves are not on track for retirement and are carrying debt.
- A child in law school demanding continued support, threatening to resent their parents if payments stop. In one case, a child blamed me for “ruining” their life after the parents printed out my blog posts and gave them to their child. These parents are not on track for retirement and now fear damaging their relationship with their child.
I’m not a parent, and I’m not a child-rearing expert. I don’t claim to fully understand the emotional landscape of raising children. What I do know is from experience: I raised my younger sister after our father passed away, and I wanted to help her attend college so she wouldn’t be as burdened by financial worry.
Recently, my sister mentioned different side hustles she could try to earn extra money. For a moment I felt guilty and considered giving her financial help. She reassured me: “You’ve helped me enough already. Do not worry.” That meant a lot—I actually teared up. Instead of handing her money, I helped her build a budget, find side jobs, make a plan, and offered emotional support. Those actions helped shape her into the capable young woman she is today. She’ll still learn some things the hard way, but she’ll be fine.
Alarming facts about student loans
Student borrowing is massive. According to the Federal Education Budget Project, students borrowed about $100 billion in fiscal 2014 alone. The average default rate on student loan debt is around 13%–14%. In recent years, about 90% of student loans have had co-signers—often parents—putting a heavy financial burden on families.
That’s a huge amount of unpaid debt. If you’ve co-signed student loans, be aware of the potential long-term consequences.
Should parents help their children go to college?
To be clear: I’m not against parents helping their children attend college. My stance is straightforward: parents should help only if they can truly afford it.
I have many friends whose parents paid for their college without jeopardizing their financial futures—those parents were in a secure position. If you’re on track for retirement and not struggling financially, helping your child is a valid choice.
But I also know parents who couldn’t afford it. Some took second or third jobs, accumulated credit card debt and student loans, and ended up paying their child’s bills entirely. Those parents risked their retirements and long-term well-being. Caring for your child is natural, but it’s essential to recognize when supporting them puts your future at risk.
As one financial planner noted, you can take out loans for college, but you can’t take out loans for retirement.
If you’re on track for retirement, you’ll likely be able to help your children with college costs. I personally attended college without any parental help: I paid for three degrees, worked full-time, supported myself from age 18, and managed my own living expenses. It was difficult, but achievable.
Every student’s path differs—some take longer to graduate, some borrow more, and others borrow less. Different strategies can work for different people. A great example I read about is someone who graduated college with $100,000 in savings rather than debt; it’s an extreme case but shows what disciplined planning and sacrifice can achieve.
How to help without risking retirement
If you want to support your child without jeopardizing your retirement, consider alternatives to fully funding every expense. Here are practical ways to help:
- Set realistic limits. Helping doesn’t mean paying for everything. Instead of covering tuition, textbooks, housing, food, transportation, and more, decide what you can reasonably contribute. Provide emotional support, let your child live at home while attending college, help them find ways to cut costs, and assist with planning.
- Help them find work. If you can’t afford to pay, help your child secure a job. Even part-time work can cover smaller expenses and teach responsibility.
- Teach budgeting. If your child doesn’t have a budget, help them create one. A clear budget can prevent many financial problems and foster long-term financial habits.
This topic invites many differing opinions, and I welcome discussion.
Do you think parents should risk their retirement to pay for college? If parents are on track for retirement, how much should they help—if at all? Will you help your children attend college?