Hello! Today I’m sharing a guest post from Ashley. She helps parents recognize their strengths and triggers so they can live intentionally rather than merely reacting to the chaos of a growing family. Through her podcast, blog, coaching and personality snapshots, she offers practical tools and action steps to help families create lives they love coming home to. Learn more at 90 Day Family Roadtrip.
Ah, success — that thing we all aim for, and yet…
Have you longed for success but felt it’s just out of reach? Sometimes we haven’t even fully defined what success means for us, and we treat it as a distant finish line instead of an ongoing experience. My story of success is personal and unique, but six principles that changed my perspective may help you reframe success too.
I had it all… kind of.
Like many people, my husband Nathan and I built what looked like a successful life: a strong income, a home in a neighborhood we loved, and active roles within our social circles. On paper, everything seemed ideal. In practice, maintaining that life required babysitters, nannies, house cleaners and constant time away — all props to keep our image of success afloat.
The golden question
What did we really want? What would genuinely make us happy? In the pursuit of success, is there a moment when you’ll step back and say, “I have arrived,” and simply bask in it? We weren’t sure, so for our 10th wedding anniversary we took a week away—our first real getaway just for the two of us since having kids—and the trip changed everything.
While in Cancun I read The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte. One question in the book opened my eyes: what is the feeling behind the goal? Rather than focusing only on external achievements, the book urged us to examine the emotions we hoped to experience when we reached our goals. That question started the most transformative journey of our lives.
What is the feeling behind the goal?
This question pushed us to look beyond the surface. What emotions would success bring—joy, freedom, connection, peace? We realized we hadn’t defined those feelings for ourselves. Identifying the emotions we wanted to feel became the catalyst for change.
Get clear with your vision
We hadn’t actually written down family goals. We work hard to craft vision and mission statements at work, yet rarely apply the same clarity to family life. When was the last time you discussed together what you want your marriage or family life to look like?
We sat down, brainstormed and shared desires: to explore and learn, to foster respect and love, to listen and connect. That conversation yielded our family vision: Explore, respect. Listen, connect. Learn & love. With a vision in place, our vague “one day” dream of traveling became something we could plan for.
It will always remain “one day” until you put a date on it.
Ask your family what they imagine when they think of true happiness. Even young children offer surprising clarity about what will make them feel content. Voicing a shared vision creates alignment and makes the dream tangible.
Don’t wait to make it happen
Dreams stay distant until you make them concrete. Many people spend decades working for a future that never arrives, at the cost of relationships and health. We decided to make “one day” happen now. After our anniversary trip I booked a month in Costa Rica for our whole family and gave ourselves eight months to plan — a big leap, but feasible with intention.
We also leveraged assets: renting our home on AirBnB for twelve days covered our lodging in Costa Rica. Returning home, we were determined not to wait for the next getaway. That trip shifted our lifestyle.
Think beyond “normal”
Money often seems to block big life changes, but creative solutions make them possible. We cut costs by cooking family-style, enjoying free activities, and renting our house while away. Consider what resources are right under your nose: sell unused items, rent your home, or monetize skills to fund what matters.
Pursuing your dream doesn’t mean you must sacrifice everything. Look for ways to maintain income and incorporate elements of your dream into everyday life so it isn’t only a fleeting “there and gone” moment.
Find your mindset
Back in Costa Rica we experienced awe, curiosity, gratitude and presence. Without constant online distractions, we connected to each other and to our surroundings. We discovered that we couldn’t bring back the beaches and sunsets, but we could bring back the mindset that made those moments meaningful.
When you slow down, practice gratitude and view life with curiosity, location matters less. Start cultivating the emotions behind your goals now, not just on the day you reach them. Build an “adventure mindset” that finds joy in the journey, not only in the destination.
Success — maybe it’s more about happiness
In October 2016 we moved into a 240-square-foot travel trailer and hit the road. Our initial 90 Day Family Road Trip shattered the ceiling of what we’d thought possible. Success stopped being about a bigger house or a number in a bank account and started being about living fully in the present and nurturing meaningful relationships.
Our house became a source of income instead of a burden. The pressure to “keep up with the Joneses” eased as family closeness and authentic connections took precedence. We started to value experiences and relationships more than obligations and possessions. Success, for us, became an evolving journey.
So how do you define success?
Take a moment to define what success means to you. Is it an achievement like a large home or bank balance, or is it connection—children wanting to spend time with you, a sense of peace at home, or consistent joy? If your current definition of success isn’t producing happiness, revisit these steps:
- Identify the feeling behind the goal — keep asking why. Dig until you find the emotion you’re seeking.
- Get clear with your vision — talk with your family, voice your dreams and align on a shared vision that allows every member to thrive.
- Think beyond “normal” — if a big change isn’t feasible now, find ways to incorporate pieces of that dream into everyday life.
- Look for “and” possibilities — find creative solutions that let you have multiple priorities, not force an either/or choice.
- Put a date on it — make your plan concrete and measurable so “one day” becomes a real plan.
- Adopt an adventure mindset — cultivate the emotions you want now so the journey itself becomes rewarding.
What success looks like for me
As I write this, we’ve been on the road for two years and one month, visited 48 states and collected more once-in-a-lifetime moments than I imagined. Success looked like hiking eight miles in Glacier National Park and experiencing breathtaking views. It looked like participating in owl banding with a caring community in Virginia. Success was watching my five-year-old overcome fear and learn to swim in Costa Rica. It was seeing my eight-year-old move from severe stuttering toward fluid speech as our family slowed down and became present with her.
Success for me includes being able to connect with families around the world through coaching and to live a life that feels authentic, joyful and full of learning. Ultimately, success is personal and evolves as you return to your true self and love who you become.
Where are you with these six principles? Can you identify them in your own story of success? If not, which step will you start today?