One thing I’ve always appreciated is how open Wes and I have been about money.
We didn’t always follow the conventional path — we merged our finances years ago and have sometimes faced criticism for it — but openness has served us well. We make a point to communicate clearly about money.
I’ve seen many people make avoidable financial mistakes. Some couples never discuss a budget, even a simple one, despite being married. Others have had relationships damaged by hidden debt, financial secrecy, or what some call financial infidelity.
Money isn’t everything, but it significantly affects relationships.
I encourage people to find their own approach, but certain money behaviors tend to create trouble in partnerships. Poor money habits can lead to mounting debt, delayed retirement, chronic stress, and relationship strain.
Who wants all of that? Not me.
Here are financial pitfalls couples should try to avoid:
Assuming merging finances is right for everyone
Although Wes and I combined our money, many couples prefer to keep finances separate and are perfectly happy that way. Everyone is different.
There’s no universal rule — both merging and keeping separate accounts have pros and cons. Research your options and decide what best fits your values and relationship. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically require pooling everything.
Not talking about money with your partner
If you’re in a serious relationship, you should have regular money conversations. If you’re married or sharing finances, these talks become even more important.
Share information about credit scores, past financial issues, outstanding debt, and how your monthly budget is tracking. You should be able to discuss finances openly without it escalating into stress or fights.
Wes and I talk about money all the time. At first he wasn’t enthusiastic, but over time we learned how to discuss finances calmly and constructively. We cover what we can improve, spending habits, retirement planning, and other topics — conversations we both now appreciate.
Having only one person know the household finances
This was one of our weaknesses. I took charge of the finances because I was more comfortable managing them. Training another person felt like extra work and risked duplication of effort.
However, it’s important for both partners to understand the financial picture. With multiple bills, retirement accounts, and loans, if one partner becomes unavailable the other could be left scrambling. Simply sharing basic information and access can prevent that.
Many couples fall into the pattern where one person handles everything financially, but that places the burden on them and leaves the relationship vulnerable. Keeping both partners informed helps everyone stay on the same page.
Keeping money-related secrets
Secrets about finances can seriously damage trust. When a partner hides financial facts, the other can feel betrayed, excluded, or deceived.
Common money secrets include:
- Hidden debt
- Secret savings or accounts
- Misrepresenting the true financial situation
These kinds of secrets can create resentment and undermine the partnership.
Dismissing the idea of a prenup without considering it
Wes and I don’t have a prenup, and we combined our finances early when we had little. Still, a prenuptial agreement can be a sensible option for many couples and doesn’t mean you distrust your partner.
Life is unpredictable, and circumstances change. A prenup can clarify expectations and protect both people if the unexpected happens. It’s worth discussing seriously rather than dismissing out of hand.
Questions to consider
What financial mistakes have you witnessed or experienced? If you’re not currently in a relationship, what habits or pitfalls will you make sure to avoid?
Open communication, shared knowledge, and thoughtful planning go a long way toward protecting both your money and your relationship.